


There You Are

by mansikka



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Reincarnation, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-24 15:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20708120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mansikka/pseuds/mansikka
Summary: Magnus will love Alec for eternity. Though how heartbreaking must it be for an immortal being to meet your soulmate, only to have to watch them die over and over again?Five glimpses at Magnus and Alec together over two centuries; because true love will never die, and this writer is allergic to non-happy endings ;)





	There You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :)
> 
> This is for the [Reverse Prompt Challenge](https://reverseprompts.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr, art by the incredibly talented [dragonpressgraphics](https://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Challenge #5: [_Lantern_](https://reverseprompts.tumblr.com/post/187821016282/reverseprompts-reverse-prompt-challenge-5)
> 
> This is my first ever MCD and I can't even do that properly 😊 so! Here, have some reincarnation/soulmates/eventual immortal!Alec because that's just how it is.

Art by [dragonpressgraphics](https://dragonpressgraphics.tumblr.com/)

* * *

**1861**

He waits for him under the streetlight on the corner of the entrance of the park, huddling into his coat against the chill of the falling snow. Magnus watches the flickering flame behind the glass of the lantern for a moment tempted to raise his hands to it for a little warmth. But warmer things are waiting for him in the shape of _Alec_, who is about to leave him to go off to _war_.

Though Magnus supports his reasoning, echoes Alec's unwavering belief that _everyone deserves freedom, Magnus_, all he can think about is what this war will do to his _love_. The streets are filled with the dread of it, the anger, the knowledge that no matter what, they have to stand for what is _right_. Magnus pictures Alec striding into battle with his shoulders squared and his face set in resolve, and wishes as he always does for another profession for Alec aside from _soldier_.

This last precious evening Magnus has fought hard against believing will truly be their last; this time around, anyway. Alec is strong, and skilled, and determined. Magnus has no reason to doubt he won't come out the other side of this war jaded though intact, and _alive_. But Magnus is _old_. He can feel the approach of his heartache in his very bones, knows once again what he is about to lose. He's lost Alec, over and over again, only to find him decades later. Across centuries he should be used to this; his immortality should have prepared him for losing lovers repeatedly. Though for as long as he chooses to remember, it has always been _Alec_ that he's lost. It is the hardest thing that Magnus has ever endured.

Of course, in between, at least in the beginning, there have been _dalliances_ to occupy his time. Though Magnus knows, Alec is the only soul in the world he's meant to be with, the only place in which _his_ soul has a home. So he has braced for this moment, cherished the weeks they have shared together in this lifetime, and will create new memories with Alec this evening that he will hold on to tightly until they meet again. He never knows where, or how, but he and Alec always find their way back to one another. He's never had to seek him out. Alec always finds him; even if for Alec, Magnus has been _new_ every time.

Footsteps approach; Magnus would recognize them anywhere, he has waited for their arrival so many times. He closes his eyes, wills them not to show the tears that are threatening, then turns to greet Alec with a smile.

"There you are," Alec says, pulling him in by the waist and kissing him, uncaring who, or if anybody sees. "I'm sorry I'm a little late."

"You're here. That's all that matters," Magnus replies, mesmerized by Alec as he always is on these last nights. "Will you walk with me?"

Alec nods, throwing his arm around Magnus' shoulders and tucking him in to his side. "Anywhere you want."

They have six, perhaps seven hours left together before Alec leaves him, and it will be decades before Magnus sees him again. That face, and those eyes will both haunt and keep him company until then. Though Magnus tells himself not to dwell on such things, only presses in close to Alec to savor his warmth for as long as he can.

**1918**

He's going to lose him to war. _Again_. Magnus glares up at the gas lantern that he and Alec have met beneath throughout this current _courtship_ as well as the last one, demanding to the universe an answer for why he has to keep losing Alec like this. Time upon time again throughout their history, Alec has fallen in a battle of some sorts. Magnus can count the number of times Alec has only succumbed to illness or old age, and that would be a measly twice. He didn't even get to stay with him throughout those times. It isn't _fair_, none of this is. He's had longer with Alec this time, a precious three years and two months counting. But knowing all along that Alec's eyes will be drawn to _serve_ has been in the back of Magnus' mind ever since they met. He supposes he should be grateful that Alec hasn't left him before now to join up sooner.

That the United States only declared war on Germany last year when the rest of the world has been fighting since 1914 has been a surprise to Magnus. Though that he would find _Alec_ in the midst of it all is less surprising; if he's going to have his heart wrenched from him over and over again, the universe seems determined to keep doing it in the most awful of circumstances.

Perhaps it is a little easier on Alec than it is for Magnus. Alec is only leaving behind his first love, having fallen in love with Magnus time and time again with no memory of their past. For Magnus, though, there has been no lull in his affections for Alec, no time whether with Alec or not when he hasn't been consumed with love for him. One day, Magnus thinks he'll tell Alec what he can't know, what he'll think is the impossible. Though on the eve of Alec leaving for war, their history—and their convoluted future—is something Alec doesn't need to know.

Perhaps not the eve; from what Magnus is hearing, the United States will be sending military forces overseas during the summer. But there is training to come before then, and Alec won't have the time or the permission for anything but training. So, to Magnus, tonight is the beginning of the end; he hopes he can keep his frantic heart from beating out of his chest in protest.

He doesn't _want_ to lose Alec, has connived countless ways for him to follow. He _can't_. He's not even technically a citizen here. He's thought to claim it once or twice since the Immigration Act passed last year, though there is too much about his immortality that makes such a procedure even more challenging. So he's doomed to watch Alec walk away from him again, to fight a war in the name of what is _right_. Sometimes Magnus wishes his heart hadn't been stolen by someone so noble. Though nobility is part of the foundation of Alec, one of the many things that makes Magnus love him so much.

Footsteps approach, like they always do for these partings, both making Magnus' heart dance for the possibility of seeing Alec again, and his heart break for knowing what is to come. Magnus spins on his heel to greet him, pulling Alec in for a hug. He hides his face in Alec's shoulder until it is better composed then looks up at him, hoping to convey all the love that he feels. Under the flickering light of the gas lantern on the corner of the park, Magnus raises his hands to cup Alec's face, and draws him in for the first of this round of last kisses. _I love you_, Magnus thinks, keeping Alec close, _please be safe. For as long as you can._

**1965**

Tonight is bitterly cold, though how could he expect any less? November in New York has never been all that kind to him, often sending Magnus to warmer climes. Though not this year; Magnus is relishing in _this_ lifetime with Alec because it is _after_ his need for service. Alec was injured in 1963 and won't be returning to duty again. Magnus met him as a medic when he returned to American soil, his entire essence sagging in relief when he'd laid eyes on him in a hospital bed. _There you are_, he'd thought at the time, and knew instantly that things would be different. Magnus intends to cherish Alec, watch him grow old if he can.

Not that he wants to think of anything so maudlin as losing Alec. Alec is young, and healthy, and aside from a limp and the scarring from his injuries is as fit and as whole as he can be. They have a good life together, even if so many parts of that life are illegal in the eyes of many. They are still at liberty to live and love; just carefully, away from the gaze of people who have bitterness in their hearts. Magnus is sure that in as many ways as he's seen progress in this world, so much of it has taken a backward, archaic step in its judgment.

Still, Alec is here, and Alec is whole; there isn't anything Magnus can imagine to be better than that. Tonight they are meeting for an early dinner before seeing a movie, and tomorrow they are going to a birthday party hosted by some friends. Next week, Magnus plans to ask Alec to move in with him. It will need to be discreet, away from those bitter gazes and kept to the privacy of behind doors. But they will have their _together_ in this lifetime, no matter how hard they have to fight for it; Magnus is determined.

Footsteps catch his attention and turn the corners of Magnus' mouth up into a smile. He lifts his head to see Alec approaching and is overwhelmed by just how much he loves him, and how much _he_ is loved. Alec's eyes dance despite how his breath fogs in front of his face for how cold it is, leaning in to Magnus for a quick discreet kiss to his cheek.

"Let's get somewhere warmer," Alec says by way of greeting, nodding for a direction for them to take.

Magnus presses into his side already shivering less just for having Alec here. He can't wait to be in the dim corners of a quiet restaurant they like for its excellent food and tolerant anonymity. It promises to be quite the night. Though they get no further than the end of the block when the city falls into complete blackness. Alec wraps a protective arm around Magnus keeping him close, with Magnus curling his fingers into Alec's coat to grip on to him.

"What happened?" Magnus asks, even though there is no way for Alec to tell any better than he can.

"Looks like the power's out," Alec says as they huddle together and look around them. Parts of New York seem unaffected with lights on in the distance, but where they are standing it's impossible to even see their feet.

"Well. So much for dinner and a movie," Magnus says, even though he doesn't mind; he'd happily stand here in the dark doing nothing at all if it meant being with Alec.

"Maybe it'll be back soon."

"And would should we do until then?" Magnus asks, and as their eyes adjust to the darkness Magnus thinks he catches the smile on Alec's face. He closes his eyes to the firm press of Alec's chest against his own as he takes him in his arms, then tilts his head up for Alec's kiss.

**2016**

In the light of the candlelit lantern by their bedside, Alec's skin is already waxy and pale. In all their lifetimes Magnus has held on to the faint idea that he would like to be beside Alec when he reaches his end. That it will be easier in a way to prepare for the lonely years he'll have to live through until Alec is his again. Though seeing the dark circles beneath his eyes, and the tremble in his arm as Alec reaches for his cup of water, Magnus takes the idea back. He won't leave him, not now, nor ever. But there is no way he will ever get this image from his mind.

The lantern is a smaller replica of the one they have met under in the park time and time again. One that they still lingered beneath up until a few months ago when Alec's health first began to fail. His face had lit up when Magnus had brought the thing home, and Magnus had lit a candle in it before crawling into bed beside him, where they huddled together to reminisce over how many dates had begun under that lantern in the park. It's fitting, really, that a similar one overshadows them now, to witness what is yet another goodbye for Magnus. He tries to think of it only as a beginning, a temporary pause in all the love they have to share with one another. It hurts too much to know it's coming, but for Alec, the least he can do is try to smile.

"Magnus," Alec says, his voice a throaty whisper that is a poor imitation of the tone Magnus loves so much. "I love you."

"I love you too," Magnus tells him, begging his tears not to fall. He's perched on the side of their bed like a sentry watching every one of Alec's last breaths. He tries to tell himself that he is comforted for him dying peacefully at home but no lie is big enough to cover his anguish.

"Tell me again," Alec says, licking lips that of late are forever dry. Magnus will cherish these decades he's got to spend with Alec, that he has got his wish that Alec would grow old peacefully, and that he would be by his side. Though the deterioration of Alec these past few months he wouldn't wish on anyone, least of all this beloved man so feebly clutching his hand.

"Well. I first met you in 1776. George Washington and his army had just reached New York, and you were eager to join the cause. You and I had but a week together before you left."

"You're like something out of a history book," Alec says with the same loving smile he has always had for him.

Part of Magnus thinks Alec believes the history he's been telling him for the past few decades, ever since it was obvious Magnus wasn't aging, is a fallacy. A story just to help ease the passage of time. Though the other part of him catches the hope in Alec's eyes, the wistfulness in his smile when he talks about them only being apart for a few years. Alec won't remember him, of course, he never does; even if he is destined to fall in love with Magnus over and over again.

"Well. It is your history too," Magnus says, wondering how he's going to survive this. He'll have to bury Alec, and grieve for him, spend however long it takes waiting for him to come back wondering when that might be. It will _break_ him to live through. Though he'll do it again and again; Magnus will love Alec for all eternity. He'll just never be able to fully prepare himself for Alec being _gone_.

"Maybe. But I don't remember much of it. I don't remember any of it," Alec says, with a ghost of the frown Magnus used to love running his thumb over the ridge of.

"I know, Alexander. Though I recall every moment of meeting you, crystal clear. Perhaps that will have to be enough for the both of us."

"Tell me again," Alec says, feebly tapping the back of his hand. How could Magnus deny him anything?

He tells Alec of all their meetings, so many of their dates, the periods in their history when they've had long stretches together, and those that were too shortlived. Magnus recalls the tokens they traded over the years, even pulls the cherished ones he stills keeps from his nightstand drawer for Alec to see. There is wonder in his eyes as he strokes a finger over each. Though every time he coughs Magnus fears is going to be when that light in Alec's eyes goes out.

They talk of Magnus' history before Alec, how he'd drifted through his immortal existence never as carefree as some of his friends and peers. Magnus never felt a sense of belonging until he'd laid eyes on Alec. Everything in him had made sense in that moment, the first time he'd seen Alec smile.

They talk of Magnus being a warlock, of his powers, of the clients, wealth, and business he has accumulated over the years. Alec is always so reverential about these things, delighting in the displays of his magic. But they mean little to Magnus when he has to keep losing Alec repeatedly. What is the point of any of it if he can't keep Alec with him?

"So, you'll go on, after me?" Alec rasps out; Magnus' heart clutches in terror for him fading so fast.

"Alexander. Wherever I am in the world, whenever you come back to me, I'll be waiting. I'll always be waiting for you. Now, forever, and always. Even when you don't remember me."

"Oh, I'll remember you," Alec tells him with fresh vigor and a determination in his eyes that Magnus hasn't seen in a while. He never has remembered him in the past, though it doesn't take much for Magnus to get his hopes up.

"Okay."

"I _will_, Magnus," Alec insists, weakly squeezing his fingers, "this time I will. And after that, I'm never leaving you alone again. Never."

Alec dies in his arms a few hours later. Magnus weeps himself raw, clinging on to Alec until he has no choice but to move. He prays for Alec to find his way back to him soon.

**2060**

There is a fresh, stiff breeze hitting Magnus in the face as he hurries through the park, pressing his face into the scarf around his neck. He's a little late, rushing from a meeting with a client who Magnus thinks knows how important it was for him to leave on time. He sends a scowl his way even though he's not there to see it and speeds up a little, willing his feet to go faster. He's almost tempted to break out into a run, but the paths are slippery, and the last thing he wants to do now is fall.

Tonight is the first night of his and Alec's wedding anniversary. First night, because they are indulging in a vacation to celebrate five years of marriage. They're taking two whole weeks away from New York and their lives here with their only plan to spend time with one another. Magnus can't _wait_ to step through a portal and be on the terrace of the apartment they are spending the first few nights. It's all he's been thinking about since Alec suggested it last month, aside from Alec himself of course. Alec is rarely far from Magnus' mind.

In all the lives they've lived together, Magnus can recall specific moments, replay certain memories that never fail to make his heart soar. There have been first meetings and first kisses, first times together and first beds shared. This time around feels like a first for everything to Magnus, one he doesn't have to treasure and replay because he's living all of those firsts, here and now.

Though it would be difficult for Magnus not to replay _this_ particular first meeting. He'd walked into the Urgent Care nearest to his apartment with a cut on his hand that needed stitching, his magic too depleted for him to fix it himself. He'd been tutted at and ushered straight behind a curtain for dripping blood everywhere despite his efforts at bandaging one-handed, perching on the edge of the bed feeling decidedly sorry for himself. And then _Alec_ had walked in, white coat and stethoscope, and with a smile that Magnus has lost himself in for hundreds of years. It was the look of recognition, and surprise, and relief on Alec's face that Magnus can't stop himself replaying over and over. But it's Alec's first words for him that called Magnus home.

"_There you are_," Alec had said, and Magnus could hear the _I've been waiting for you_ behind those words even when they weren't said out loud. He hears them sometimes even when he's not replaying favorite memories, which he doesn't have to _do_ anymore; not purely for company, anyway. Because Alec isn't going anywhere again. They've made all the necessary changes that mean he'll remain by Magnus' side forever. Quite literally. Magnus would never have asked it of him, but no one ever has given him a gift as great as this.

Alec is already stood beneath their streetlamp waiting for him, huddled into his jacket against the falling snow. He is _beautiful_ in his surroundings, though Magnus can't wait for them to be somewhere warmer altogether. Alec turns for hearing Magnus' footfall and his face splits into a smile, pulling Magnus in by the waist as soon as he reaches him and kissing him like he won't ever stop.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Magnus says as he leans against him, losing himself in the eyes he's always loved.

"Not like we don't have the time," Alec replies, stealing another kiss before squeezing Magnus' sides so he knows to step back. "Are you ready?"

"Of course." Magnus snaps his fingers making already-packed luggage appear in their hands.

Alec winks, then tucks his luggage straps over his arm so his hands are free to conjure a portal. He takes Magnus' hand when the portal is formed and gets another kiss to his cheek, before gently tugging his hand as they step through.


End file.
